The news these days often cover issues that, for some reason or another, leave people either angry and hateful toward one another, or furrowing their brows in a vain attempt to understand the situation. Here I will give some simple answers to these thorny issues.

 

 

Defund the Police?

Sure. But that means the police will have to enforce all the same laws with a smaller budget and likely fewer people. In addition to defunding the police, how about we get rid of some laws, too? I nominate that we end the drug war so the police can focus on real crimes like rape, murder, assault & battery, and theft instead of wasting their time on non-crimes like drug use and drug possession. This will also help reduce violent crimes, since so much violent crime is completely due to drug prohibition, it will allow us to make drugs safer by getting their distribution out of the hands of criminals, and allow us to treat drug addiction as a health problem.

 

Women’s Contraception?

Make it all over-the-counter so as to give women full control over their own reproductive rights while simultaneously not forcing anyone to have to pay for it if it goes against their religious beliefs.

 

Statues?

If it’s not your property, don’t touch it.

 

Masks?

Just wear them. Thinking you’re brave for not wearing a mask is like thinking you’re brave for having unprotected sex when it’s you who has herpes. Both of my grandfathers lived through the Great Depression and then had a call to action by being drafted in WWII, one being sent to the Pacific and the other participated in the D-day landings, being wounded shortly after that. Our call to action now is to stay at home and do nothing, but if you have to go out, wear a mask, and yet somehow that’s asking too much? Don’t be a pussy.

 

International Students?

Let them stay. I feel like sending them back will be a much bigger headache than keeping them here. Obviously it’s political, though, and not a matter of practicality or ideology: the Trump administration wants to force colleges/schools to reopen before the election because then he can continue pretending that he didn’t absolutely bungle the response and continue fooling people into thinking that he’s made things better in order to win votes.

 

Cancel Culture?

Cancel it. Just because it makes you feel good to ‘cancel’ someone or something doesn’t mean it’s doing any tangible good, and is likely only stirring up more hatred. Your virtue signaling will convert few and antagonize many. Besides, you never know when the mob will turn on you.

 

Hong Kong?

I’d advise diplomacy (if Pompeo’s State Department was any good at it), but unfortunately, I think Hong Kong (and the rest of the world) is going to have to accept that it’s now a part of the People’s Republic of China. China obviously never liked the fact that it didn’t have completely dominion over Hong Kong, so they basically got what they wanted and had almost certainly been looking for an excuse to do, anyway.

 

More COVID Relief?

Eh, why the hell not? It’s not like there is any way of slowing the decline of the American Empire, so why not make ourselves comfortable as we ride this thing into the ground? If you’re on the left, the American Empire was only ever a haven of bigotry lousy with oppression and exploitation anyway, so why not let the whole damnable enterprise mercifully die? And if you’re on the right, I’m sorry to say, but you’ve lost the culture war, the fiscal policy, and the position of world leadership (for social conservatives, fiscal conservatives, and neocons respectively), so why bother trying to salvage this lost cause? Lets all just take our government handouts as we await the Empire’s inevitable demise.