I just recently finished my three part series on evolution and was wondering about some practical uses for the theory. That’s when it struck me that measles was making a comeback due to people opting out of vaccinating their children for fear that the inoculation could be dangerous. Here is a proposal for solving all our problems.

Despite all evidence to the contrary, some assholes believe vaccinations cause autism and therefore would like to opt out of vaccinating their children. That’s all fine and good if the mewling idiots they’ve spawned die, but unfortunately unvaccinated weaken herd immunity

The Spartans, a people from ancient Greece, were known for keeping only the children deemed fit to be wards of the state by a bunch of old men. Today this is seen as some honorable practice. Probably because it’s from olden times and people have enormous boners for what people in yonder times did, no matter how barbaric. But, hey, if it worked for them, it can work for us, right? I mean with the measles thing.

By exposing all newborn infants to measles, hepatitis, tetanus, etc in a Spartan-esque trial to weed out the weak – it could even be made into a quaint ritual like a bris – the infants that survive this ordeal will have a natural resistance to the diseases. And they won’t even have to be vaccinated! That means there are no worries about autism, and nobody has to worry about herd immunity.

What of all the dead babies? Well, who’s to say when a baby becomes a person. I say, if they can’t survive on their own, they’re not really a person. More of an expensive possession. Even pets show more affection than newborn infants, and toddlers are selfish little assholes. So, who’ll really miss them?

Your welcome everyone.